Category Archives: Couples

Marriage Advice: Year Twelve

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Katie and I have been married for 12 years! (gulp). I think that means we are getting older but I believe that is a good thing. I look back at our 21/20-year-old selves and think about how naive we were in just about every aspect of our lives. There was a reason NO ONE thought our marriage was a good idea, except for us. At the time, we had no game plan beyond that; we would figure things out as we went… and we did, but not without making a TON of mistakes. Thankfully, none of them were very costly, except for a $20,000 tax accounting error. Yes, 4 zeros!!! In spite of our mistakes, God’s grace in our lives and our belief that marriage is a lifelong commitment, we’ve made through nine babies, four houses/moves, one apartment, two dogs, two cats, fair fish, aquatic frogs, homeschooling, three businesses, job-loss, spinal meningitis, countless viral bugs, college, and I’m just scratching the surface. Life is crazy/beautiful. Sometimes more crazy than beautiful.

We wish I could sum up the total worth of what we have learned in what is just a drop in the bucket of the total breadth of our lives, Lord willing, (we want to be those people who annoy our children long into our 90s) however, the only word that seems to fit is PERSEVERANCE.

Marriage is a marathon, not a sprint.

Over the last 10 years, Katie and I have had the honor and privilege of photographing hundreds of weddings side by side. Still, we can recall specific memories and couples who brought us tears or made our faces hurt with laughter. In part, we’ve believed we have had one of the greatest opportunities afforded to our generation; investing in marriage.

Frequently, we hear our couples say that their wedding day was a haze of fleeting moments amidst the crowd of family and friends. That is what emotions sometimes do, but that’s where we come in. There is a beauty within those subtle moments and our passion over the last decade has been to capture the phenomenon that is your wedding in stunning timeless photographs that you will cherish for a lifetime and generations that follow.

Together we create a first family’s first heirlooms; blending classic photojournalism with a fine art approach, our goal is to capture editorial-style images that can be displayed in anthology form.

We admit that we haven’t always invested in our marriage. We have only gone away a handful of times together. Each trip has been like a reset point; a moment to just pause. We’re able to reflect, find quiet, and process. This is so crucial and we’re so thankful for that time because it is so rare.

Rest. Something we’ve lost in our culture. Real unplugged rest. We’re finding balance too. How do we juggle #allthethings? Somethings are always in the air while one thing rests in your hand only for a moment. One really can’t multitask. You’re either doing one thing or you’re doing another, however, some of us have found ways to live in alignment largely with the help of technology. But there is a point, we all have it, where the noise and the productivity must end. We must be still. Wait. Listen.

I am so bad as this.

Maybe you’re like me. You feel lazy the instant you sit down and your phone isn’t in your hand or you don’t have a book or journal in your hand.

I was convicted of this as I reviewed my finances for 2019 and began planning for 2020. I’ve tried to set aside time each morning for devotions, prayer, meditation, and reflection and have come across the verses in scripture that speak of living by faith. What does that practically look like as I’m trying to make sense of ones and zeros, spreadsheets, and taxes?

Do I try harder? Should I give more? Should I work more? Should I work less? Maybe, I should stop trying altogether?

The silence only lasts so long in our home and listening for an answer from the Almighty isn’t as epic as I would sometimes like. Followers often don’t get Pauline encounters with Abba Father. Often it is much more subtle after long periods of nothing.

Peace. Joshua 1:9 – A promise that LORD our God is always with us. 2 Peter 1:3 – All things that pertain to life and godliness he has already granted us. This may not mean that everything is going to go our way, it most certainly will not, but when troubles come we are to remain joyful. “Let perseverance/steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” James 1:2-4

So, I pray. I continue to diligently work unto the LORD who has ordained good works for us to do. I still plan, but I give God the giant eraser, praying his will be done for his glory and not my own.

We continue to look for the beauty that surrounds us each day in the mundane and seek to find ways to remain grateful for all that we have, being content. This in and of itself is a daily struggle as we look to set goals for our life and aspire to bigger and better things.

Paul writes the early church that they are to love one another; even more than what they already had yet their ambition and goal was to live a quiet life dependent on no one. Isn’t that the goal for those of us who are entrepreneurs. We dream of self-sufficiency, free of debt, and make the freedom to write our days, but we can get caught up on the self and forget about the one who made us. We are his and we’re called to love others, not fall more in love with ourselves and the things we acquire.

Self-care is not the same as self-love. Marriages need some of one and less of the other. You can’t just take care of yourself and expect that your marriage is going to thrive, but what you can do is chase after the quiet times with God and his word and look for ways to love each other more, which often looks like the opposite of self-love. My wife is better at this than me. She just serves. Endlessly. But each evening we each take time for ourselves after longs days of schooling, work, meals, kids, and running. We realize this is the opposite for most people, they spend their time together at the end of the day, not us. We’re weird. But it works.

We’re still learning what it means to put God first and our marriage second. We’re still triaging the rest; whatever or whoever is bleeding gets the most attention. For all the ways we are insufficient, grace is enough for us and is enough for you too!

Blessings to you all this year!

James & Katie Stokes

7 Awesome Groomsmen Gift Ideas for Your Buddies

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Artistic Wedding Photographer Smoke Photos Cigars on Wedding Night with Groomsmen Bride

Weddings take a lot of time, energy, and resources to plan and organize. You know this very well as a groom-to-be. Fortunately, you have people who will offer their help and support with preparing the wedding. For you, the groom, it’s your groomsmen who’ve got your back through everything. And it is part of the wedding tradition to gift them with something to show your gratitude.

Giving gifts may not seem enough to express your full appreciation, but it’s a tangible way to say thank you. And you can always return the favor when it’s their time to marry. With that said, here are a few awesome groomsmen gift ideas for your buddies.

 

Grooming Kit

You can’t be the only one looking dapper on your wedding day, so why not gift your groomsmen with a fancy grooming kit? It’s a present your buddies can put into good use for sure. Plus, there are a wide variety of grooming kits to choose from. For the best fellows who like to keep their facial hair neat and majestic, a set of beard grooming kit would be perfect. A shaving set would suit the one who likes to keep themselves without the five o’clock shadow. But if you want to take it up a notch, get your best buds an entire grooming set, complete with barber tools, manicure kit, hygiene products, pomades, oils, and whatnots.

 

Classy Suit Accessories

Why choose between a cool gift and a practical one when you can choose both? A set of classy suit accessories is the perfect mix of cool and practical. Typically, a set consists of a stylish tie with a matching pocket square, a shiny pair of cufflinks, and a sleek tie bar. Customize the set by engraving an initial or an original design on the cuff links or tie bar and choose matching designs for the tie and pocket square so you and your groomsmen are coordinated.

 

Handy Multipurpose Tool

Say thank you to the outdoorsy and DIY-loving groomsmen by giving them a high-quality multipurpose tool. A multipurpose tool, or multi-tool, is like many gifts in one. Most multi-tool has a knife, a bottle opener, a screwdriver, a wrench, and a handful of other tools. A multipurpose tool isn’t only useful to outdoorsy or DIY-loving fellows. It can be an invaluable tool for completing everyday tasks, such as opening a packet of food, popping open a bottle, or cutting a loose thread. During an emergency, a multi-tool might be a lifesaver too.

 

Pop and Stand Cooler

A pop and stand cooler is an essential travel companion on a beach trip, a camping adventure, or a barbeque party in the backyard. It’s lightweight and foldable, so it’s easy to carry when traveling and store after use. Anyone, including your groomsmen, would appreciate receiving one as a gift.

If your buddies love traveling, they can bring the portable cooler wherever they go and enjoy a cold drink or hot food during their trip. Some coolers also double as organizers with pockets for your keys, wallet, and phone.

 

A Box Set

As a bro pleaser, pick out a box set that includes a flask, and a handy knife. Sometimes you just need a little pick-me-up to survive a harrowing day or get through a stressful situation. For some, it’s coffee; others, it’s booze. It’s not all the time that you can find a convenient place to get a fix of your preferred stimulant—exactly why you should give your best buds personalized hip flasks as groomsmen gifts. Throw in a handy knife great for hunting, camping or even for regular use.

Groovy Groomsmen Gifts just so happened to send me one of these boxes, called the Triple Threat. This set is a combination of a cherry wood lined box with Spanish cedar, (that smells incredible too) a back stainless steel flash which comes engraved with your buddies name and the date of your wedding, just in case they were to ever forget the very night they gave the best best man’s speech ever! Thank you for liquid courage for making my job just a little more enjoyable! Thirdly, this groomsmen gift comes with a customized 7.5″ pocketknife. That might be hard to conceal during the ceremony. Depending on your crew, you might want to encourage them to leave this gift neatly tucked away in their watch box until after the wedding, however, this is one sweet looking knife. The handle is made from Pakka wood and includes a belt clip.

All that is missing is a few cigars. You might consider adding a few of those. It always makes for a pretty sweet photo.

 

Groovyman Box Set Gifts for Groomsmen

 

Combat Duffel Bag

Equally awesome and practical, a duffel bag is a great present for your groomsmen. They’re just the right size to store things when going to the gym or traveling for a few days. They’re also less bulky than most backpacks, so they’re ideal as carry-on luggage. Duffel bags are stylish too and easy to coordinate with whatever you’re wearing. With a duffel bag gift, there are a wide variety of colors, materials, and designs to choose from. You can select the style based on the receiver’s lifestyle and preferences. You can also have the duffel bags stitched with your groomsmen’s initials to make the present more personal as well as unique.

 

Classic Pocket Watch

Bring back the nostalgia of a bygone era and gift your groomsmen with classic pocket watches. It’s a unique, stylish, and functional gift. Pocket watches blend classic and contemporary designs, making it a timeless accessory for anyone. Whether your friends are into vintage things or not, they’ll love the pocket watch gift for its Sherlock Holmes look and originality. Engrave each one with their initials so it’s personalized and extra special.

 

Wrapping Up

Your groomsmen deserve the very best. But with all the expenses for the wedding, you might not have a lot to buy everyone something amazing and fancy. Fortunately, there are lots of awesome yet budget-friendly gifts you can give to your groomsmen. From hip flasks to pocket watches, the gifts listed above consider both style and functionality, making them awesome gift ideas to show your gratitude to the guys.

Romanic Wedding Photos

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Romantic Wedding Photos

Valentine’s Day. Very few know the reason for the Holiday, so being the history buff I am, I looked it up only to find several conflicting stories all deeply shrouded in mystery from antiquity. Thanks to some surviving hagiographical records, we’re able to compile the various records of a man or men named Valentine and combine them into one identity and merged with a pagan fertility festival which we celebrate today in the form of pink and red hearts and roses, chocolates, and possibly engagement rings!

I like to think that there is always a bit of truth in legends. In short, we celebrate a day named after St. Valentine who allegedly married young Christian couples in secret due Emperor Claudius II outlawing marriage because he thought that married men made poor soldiers. Accounts state that Valentine broke the law and also attempted to convert the Emperor to Christianity. This ultimately culminated in his demise outside the Flaminian Gate.

In later years, the Roman Catholic church would turn the story of a priest & a bishop into a patron Saint for bookkeepers and lovers alike. In an interesting personal twist, a common ancestor of both Katie and myself, poet Geoffrey Chaucer (16th great grandfather), may have single-handedly created the romantic tradition we know today with his work “Parlement of Foules,” in which he stated that birds and human find a mate on Seynt Valentine’s Day.

For whatever reason, we like to remind those closest to us that we love, care, and are thinking of them on this special day in February. I always look forward to the vintage cards my grandmother sends my children, a tradition she started with me and has kept over the last 30 years. I am reminded of how fortunate I am to have been loved by so many throughout my life. This is a gift I have often taken for granted. Not everyone is so fortunate and blessed to love and be loved in return.

My wife, Katie, knows wholeheartedly that I am not the biggest fan of this American Holiday, but maybe that was because I never understood the story behind and the personal attachment to its origins. As a believer, we embrace the very real possibility that our faith will have negative earthly ramifications for following Jesus. We’re blessed to live in a country where we’re able to worship how we like and marry whom we love. 

Special thanks to all of our 32 Couples from 2016 for reminding us why we love what we do so much and Happy Valentine’s Day! – The Stokes

Engagment Photos

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From Minneapolis to Chicago & just about every region in between, we have captured couples this past year. One common thread that ties them all together is their mutual love for each other and thrill of a great adventure. Many of them have a great passion for the outdoors and enjoy taking in every moment of it together whether it be fishing, hunting, jogging, hiking, or camping. While some live in the big city, they often have roots here in the Northwoods or Central Wisconsin and it is their down-to-earth personalities that make them all so easy to get to know.

Katie and I are an open book. We may share with you much more than you ever hoped to know when it comes to life, marriage, and raising a family during one of our meetings; our story stretches back over nearly 20 years. Many of our couples met online or through mutual friends while in college or grad school. In our initial hangout dates with our couples, I like to ask how our couple met and more often than not, one will look at the other and hesitantly say, “Online!.” I then reassure them that they are not alone and it isn’t weird. We think online dating or long distance relationships are great! They’re often driven by strong communication and algorithms designed to match people based on their personalities and interests. Gotta love psychology!

Dating can be rough. I know that Katie and I wouldn’t know where to start. We’re so very thankful that God matched us when we were pre-teens to become best friends and it wasn’t until nearly a decade later that we would say, “I do.” It is so neat getting to have conversations with couples from around the country who are willing to open up and share a part of their story with us. Even more so, it is is an honor when couples entrust us to capture one of the most important days of their lives. We feel privileged to be able to spend our weekends with such extraordinary people who place a premium on their wedding experience and their marriages as a whole. They know this [marriage] is a once in a lifetime event and they want to embrace it for all it has to offer and hold dear to every passing moment; because they know it will fly by so very quickly.

You do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.

Hold on to one another and invest as much time in your marriage as you will on planning your wedding day! Life is truly made up of all the little moments and you will remember the times that you slowed down and intentionally reflected. Make time, better yet, schedule time to be alone without your phones, screens and the like and simply be present with one another. Listen. Be quite. Just exist in one another’s presence. That feeling of complete comfortability combined with butterflies is what we all wish for in a soulmate. Take a walk, ride a bike, go on the trip you always wanted. Sometimes life gets a hold of us and once it does it is hard to step off the merry-go-round. If you’re the journaling type, which we hope you are, take a few moments out of your week to put pen to paper. Write it all down, the good with the bad. When you look back and reflect, you will want to be as true to yourself as possible – and to your future generations who read your words you will want to provide wisdom. Share your mistakes, your frustrations, your passions and your regrets. Life is short, but also precious – so cherish and revere it. #liferevered. Make memories and dream big!

“If your dreams do not scare you, they are not big enough.”
― Ellen Johnson Sirleaf